the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
