My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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