I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
