You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
