Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
