I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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