who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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