the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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