Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
