I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
