dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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