Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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