Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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