I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
