It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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