I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
