I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
