on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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