I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Green mimosas i think yes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
