I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
