When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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