Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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