Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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