i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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