Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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