I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
