What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
