haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
