A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
