1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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