My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
