I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Text me some of your sweat
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
