This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
