You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
