Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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