do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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