so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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