Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
