turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i drank out of a bidet.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
