East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
