you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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