If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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