who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I party with great urgency now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
