i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
