My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
