speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
