dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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