Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
