Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
