Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
