im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We just shotgunned beers for America
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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