Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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