i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
