Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
