its not stalking. its research.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
