Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
