I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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