She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
