My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm like, not good at living.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
